The Swear Jar

In December, my husband and I were taken aback when sibling bickering took a turn into uncharted territory: my 6-year-old swearing at her older sister.

Hearing her, quite literally, stopped me in my tracks.

Where had she picked that up?

One uncomfortable moment of self-reflection later, I had my answer. 😬

And so this year, I’ve made a big and public commitment to my family:

Stop swearing.

Using swear words can kick our nervous system into high gear, even contribute to creativity in moments of stress — but repeated use isn’t helpful and there’s some evidence to suggest it contributes to more aggression over time. 🧠 👊

So with the help of my 6 year old, we made a “swear jar” which now sits on our kitchen counter. Every time I let a choice word slip within earshot of my kids, in goes 1,000 yen.

As of today—January 27 in Tokyo—there’s only 3,000 yen in the jar.

Not bad, right?

But the changes haven’t just been about the words coming out of my mouth.

Swearing for me is a “lag metric” — a term I’d use when managing teams.

It’s the output of all f the work you put in — and usually, it ‘lags’ the inputs by a period of time. Example, let’s say in marketing: social media posts are the lead measure, to a lag metric of users coming to a site.

When managing staff, especially in an area as unpredictable as social change campaigning, it was always more helpful to direct the team’s day-to-day energy on ‘lead metrics’ over which they had control.

Over time, we’d track whether these inputs were having an impact on lag metrics — usually the team’s monthly or quarterly OKRs.

And so for me: swearing is the ‘lag metric’ of not taking enough time for myself on any given day.

If I’m sleep-deprived, rushing, or frazzled, the odds of a deposit in that jar skyrocket.

The jar has become a mirror for the real problem—not giving myself the care I need to stay regulated.

Which got me thinking: what are the inputs I can focus on to prevent the swearing?

The jar on our kitchen counter is a physical, visual reminder to put daily habits in place that reduce my overall stress.

The 10-minute meditation every morning.
Making sure I get enough sleep.
Going out for a yummy meal with my girlfriends to recharge.

When I take care of me, I’m better equipped to take care of my kids. And I keep my cash where it belongs — in my wallet!

Publicly declaring this goal in the house is also helping to hold me accountable.

The kids know I’ll be out 1000 yen if they hear me using a bad word, so they laugh about it when I say I get close and switch from “Ffffffff” to landing with “Fudge!” or “Funky!”

They love being the ones with the power, holding me accountable — a nice shift in the usual dynamic.

If anger, work-life balance, or *insert your own challenge here* is something you’re working through as a parent, don’t be shy – book a call.

I’d love to hear your story and explore ways to help you find more peace, presence, and purpose together.